The Grief Monster stopped by today (he's still here actually).  I think he probably arrived at my doorstep on Monday but I've been ignoring the bell hoping he'd leave and come back at his “usual time”.

It's like little things build up and then one day I just can't stop the tears so why even try.  Certain songs, smells, thoughts, memories, foods....etc.  It's a domino effect when several happen in a row.  I think fatigue and feeling ill have worn me down to where there's just no use in fighting the tears.  They're falling.

I miss my son.

I miss the innocence that came with having never dealt with a loss such as this.

I miss...

...being normal.

Fear often accompanies this villian.  Fear of the “what-ifs“ and the “unknown“.  If you've never survived this sort of loss, no doubt you think I'm crazy.  I assure I'm not.  If I were, maybe this wouldn't hurt so badly.

^{Psalm 23:4}Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

^Joshua1:9Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.