As most of you know, a group of bloggers recently decided to move through Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself study. Thirty of us embarked on this journey on March 27th. You'll find links to the other participants below. Hopefully this will be early this week. My husband flies in this evening and well, I won't be "available" during the suggested posting time lol.
"defiant joy" - joy that defies circumstances
I loved this and then when she went on to say, "few conditions are more unique to a believer's experience and peculiar to the world than a joy that defies our pain!" I could associate so well. Many of the verses she chose in the video are ones I desperately clung to after the loss of our first born son. One of the passages is even inscribed on my son's gravestone. In more recent days I've been clinging to the hope of some future joy when our family is all back together again. As I am coming to expect from these video visits with Beth, I bawled yet again. Some were tears of laughter, some pain but all laced with the joy of hope!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
This is one of my favorite sets of verses. I committed this to memory in AWANA as a kid. When I ran cross-country, this passage got me through many a mile. When I endured basic training, it set my eyes on the prize. When I found myself thrown into the "depths of despair", it taught me to pace myself for the journey of healing. God's Word is amazing in how it can take on the shape of whatever we need at the moment. I also find it astounding how God keeps bringing passages to me in droves. If I'm not "getting it" He seems to throw the verse (whatever it is) in my face over and over and over. I think this week He's wanted to get across to me that I hadn't fully committed Galatians 5:22-23 to memory. Can you guess what segment of scripture my son is to memorize for AWANA this week? Yep! So, we've been working on learning it in sign language together. Even the other kids are getting in on the deal. He and I both have it down pretty good now lol. He has a little study Bible and while he was copying the scriptures into his workbook, he noticed his Bible gave a little "blurb" on what they meant. He read them to me and I listened fighting back a smile. He looks up at me and says, "hey, that's basically what you told me it meant in the car yesterday!" My response, "yep, pretty cool isn't it?" He agreed.
As we've been practicing those verses, the word "peace" keeps jumping out at me. All week people have been asking me "how are you holding up?" It's an ok question and I do know they care, but I find it difficult to give an answer. My typical answer is "fine" or "ok" but what I should be saying is "I'm at peace". It's truly how I feel right now - just peace. We prayed intently about this situation and while twinges of doubt creep in from time to time, the overall sense is peace. I'm glad for this week's lessons if for no other reason than a description for "how I'm holding up."
Most of you probably didn't even notice Job's reference to a stillborn child in Day one's reading. Of course, it jumped out at me like a neon sign and caused me to literally wince in pain. I've been at the "wish I were never born" place, isn't it comforting to know that even people like Job grieved and expressed their sorrow? Of course, he still remained faithful (I know we didn't dive too deep into Job this week but his story is one I treasure).
Day two was really neat too - comparing the sword and the Spirit and how all of that relates to "peace". And then, when we ended with the story about the bereaved parents who took their son's killer (young drunk driver) under their wing! Oh my heavens! Her final paragraph about it had me in tears:
"Why did these parents do such a thing? Because it gave them peace." [now at this point I was like 'say what?'] "The interviewer was amazed; I was amazed." [uh yeah, I was amazed also...then came the kicker] "I kept trying to put myself in the parents' position - but I could not. Then, as the tears streamed down my cheeks, I heart the Spirit of God whisper to my heart and say: 'No wonder you cannot relate. You have put yourself in the wrong position. You, my child, are the driver.' " [silent gasp and tears flowed]
Whoa, this reminded me so much of the Kutless song, Perspectives. And then, the journey through the "Portraits of Peace" - that was an incredible ride. I'm going to conclude by quoting and agreeing with Beth....
"Lord I want Your peace! I want peace in ALONENESS, peace in PROVISION, peace in the STORM, peace in the WAIT, peace in the TEARS, peace in Your PLAN - and even peace in my DEATH."