"Rejection can happen anywhere there's relationship."
I know all of us probably related to Beth's video teaching on "rejection". It touched me deeply and had me really investigating how rejection has impacted me on a spiritual, physical and emotional level. Beth made reference to "vacancy" being a symptom of rejection and how we will sometimes allow things in as a lame attempt to fill the void left behind. Some specifics came to mind for me....one of which I'm prepared to share. I have quite a bit of experience with rejection from my childhood due to being moved from one school to the next almost every year (8 different schools from 1st-12th). I wasn't a "conformist", I marched to my own drummer and wanted others to believe I didn't care what they thought of me. I got to the point that I was pretty good at ignoring the taunting that happens to "the new kid" and I also became quite skilled at keeping any friends I did make at enough of a distance that I would be "less affected" when either of us left. All of these emotions are at the forefront of my mind as I prepare to possibly move....yet again. I tell myself I'm "ok", but while I'm attempting to comfort the kids through all these changes my heart aches.
"We will see life through the tint of rejection for the rest of our lives."
There were many many more examples that came to mind. Most are too personal to just "post". I know I'm wearing a pair of those glasses. I couldn't help but laugh every time Beth put on those glasses. I'm subconsciously wearing my own pair for sure! They reminded me of what we called BC (birth control) glasses in basic training. So out of date, so unattractive and so embarrassing! My own personal, deeply felt, rejection colors everything for me. I know it does. I see the evidence in both my speech and my actions, especially to those I am most afraid of losing. I could most definitely relate to wanting the opportunity to reject what rejected me. "Been there, done that" as they say.
The Joy of the Lord is Our Strength
It was so very necessary that I study "Joy" this week. My body has been taken to places it hasn't been in a while physically speaking and as I type I'm awaiting the "lovely monthly" arrival. I've felt broken and fatigued. My mind is a jumble of lists and expectations. My emotions are high and poised to flow uncontrollably. But my Spirit, my Spirit is oddly calm. I made all kinds of notes during the study, highlighting this point and that but I feel compelled to just speak from my soul right now. Those who have witnessed the chaos at my house this week would attest to the circumstances being "beyond me". You see, we are working to put our house on the market. I've watched my parents sell a few houses and how hard they worked to make sure each house "showed it's best". So when we got some rain recently and weeds began to spring up all over my neighbors yard, I wasn't thrilled. We thought surely they'd mow it - two weeks later and the weeds were over a foot tall. We discussed what we should do. We discussed it with each other, with other family members and friends but I failed to discuss it with God. That is, until it occurred to me to do so Friday night. So, in the midst of my exhaustion I begged the Lord to work it out for me because I was too tired to deal with it.
THE NEXT DAY our across the street neighbor told Erik that he and another neighbor were going over to that house and offer to mow their lawn! So, they did just that. In fact, until they get their mower fixed (which is what they said was the reason they hadn't done it), our other neighbor plans to mow it each week when he mows his! Saturday night Erik was on our roof painting the exterior of the house when he saw our next door neighbor leave and return with some "weed n feed" to put on their lawn. I cannot tell you the Joy I've had in the Lord since! I am convinced that writing up this post was delayed just so I could share this lol. I was struggling to come up with a fix with my own strength when all I needed was to turn it over to God. Praise His Name!
The other thing I wanted to share was something having to do with "Abiding Joy". We learned a lesson along with my son this week that I hope we don't soon forget. You see, Lee struggles with hitting a baseball. He's got a perfect swing - looks like a professional (thanks to his daddy). He just doesn't hit ball most of the time. Last weekend he had a baseball game. During the game he hit that ball every time he was at bat to include one homerun and a base hit that scored the winning run. Evidently, prior to the game he prayed and told the Lord that his performance in the game was for God's glory alone. He prayed that God would be pleased with how his team played. None of us knew this until after the game when my son shared it with Erik. We were so proud of him, not for hitting the ball but for recognizing the source of his "strength" and "success".
Then came Tuesday's game. Lee forgot all about Who helped him last time and went out there on his own strength. He struck out. As he's walking back to the dugout he tells Erik (who is an assistant coach) that "the best player on the team just struck out". Erik was appalled and corrected him on the spot. He then struck out every other time at bat. While I was sad for him, it was painfully obvious that God wasn't pleased with the "glory going to Lee". When we read John 15:1-17 in day four's homework I was reminded of Lee's baseball story and just had to share.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5