Have you ever been at that point where you find yourself sitting, silent, staring at nothing and unable to move because you are mentally, emotionally and physically paralyzed by life? The world around you is going too fast and for too long. You feel that if one more thing gets piled on the top of your "inbox" you'll crumble into a heap on the floor? You need direction but it's not coming, just one thing after another flying at you and demanding your attention. Maybe in the midst of it all, you feel like you're walking backwards through a mine field - your nerves are on high alert because you know at any moment, it could all be over...or maybe you wish it would be.
Lately, I've felt just like I was walking backwards in the dark. Bumping into this and that and honestly having no vision of the "bigger picture." My soul wept to the Lord over these feelings of uncertainty and chaos. I kept looking over my shoulder to see where on earth God could be taking me but it just looks like I'm staring into a black hole waiting to swallow me up. So I look back to the rear...to "where I've been" and what does God do? He reminds me of a quote from the Disney/Pixar movie Cars. Mater, (self-proclaimed "worlds' best backwards driver"), says, "ain't no need to watch where I'm going; just need to know where I've been". I was pondering this for a moment when He clarified in my mind, "walk by faith, not by sight." I realized that I was expecting God to reveal my future so I'd feel "safe" to keep walking forward through the mine field of life. Sure, sometimes He shines a light on clear direction and illuminates the entire path leading up to it. Sometimes though, we only get enough light for the next step. And still other times, He wants us to walk backwards, in the dark. The unique thing about this backwards walking though, is that it is in these times when "where we've been" becomes so clear. We walk by faith as we look back over His faithfulness in our lives. How He lead us through good times and bad and how we can trust that He has our back turned for a reason. Maybe He's calling us to strengthen our faith, or maybe He knows we wouldn't walk through a certain door if we knew beforehand what was on the other side.
As I sat there, appearing to stare at nothing in particular, it was as though God said, "Look back at all I've already brought you through, can you not trust me for what you have yet to know?" One by one, snapshots of my life began to dance across my mind. "Remember this? See, that was Me behind that curtain. And what about this one? Surely you didn't think you were able to do that without Me. And here, now that one I'm particularly fond of." As we watched the memories together, I felt my faith begin to grow. I still do not know what lies ahead, but God does and He has a purpose for my life.
If you're going through a time where you have your eyes wide open but still can't make out the path God is leading you on, maybe it's time to stop straining your eyes to see where you're going and focus for a bit on where you've been. It may be that trusting Him, is His sole purpose for you at this point in time. Stop trying to figure it all out and "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." And then perhaps we'll become some of Heaven's best "backwards drivers".
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22
"The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." Romans 4:23-24