Are you a woman struggling with your weight?  Would you like to band together with a group of ladies who are seeking true, positive, lasting change in this area?  If so, you may want to check out our online community at GAINchange!  We are a small group of friends who hold each other accountable and enourage one another on the journey.  I wish I could give everyone viewable access to all our forums so you could see firsthand what we're really like.  However, we take the privacy of our members seriously so they may share the ups and downs of the weightloss journey without the threat of "lurkers".  If you would like to know more or are interested in joining us, check out our site and/or email me at j.blair.lane@gmail.com

They say insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results.  I suppose that makes me crazy then because I am guilty of this very thing.  Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I expected different results so much as I hoped I wouldn’t have to work that hard to change the behaviors giving me poor results.  Thinking “I need to change” doesn’t get me very far – at least not as far as it used to.  Long ago I would think about changing something and just do it.  Now, I’m ensconced in pitiful habits that leave me feeling icky on so many levels.  Things that started out harmlessly and morphed into auto responses that will take much work to undo.

Today I read an article in Today’s Christian Woman magazine (Jan/Feb 2009) about stopping naughty habits.  Obviously common sense tells us that you must practice the opposite of what you are wanting to eliminate.  I didn’t need anyone to tell me that.  The author says, “Breaking old habits and embracing new ones isn’t easy.  But it is learnable.”  Hmmm, learnable.  I had to agree that God gave me a brain capable of learning new things.  So this forced me to ask myself, “am I teachable?”  I looked up Webster’s definition of the word and part of it struck me with deep conviction.  In order to be “teachable” I must be “willing to learn”.

If my brain and body can learn poor habits then it stands to reason that I can learn to replace them with good habits.  I don’t have to think about driving anymore, I just drive.  I don’t have to think about washing my hair or where it comes in my shower routine, I just do it like my body is on autopilot.  The more we practice something the easier and more automatic it becomes… like typing.  Which I’ve been doing during this entire post thus far without even thinking about it.

I like how the author states that habits “aren’t just about willpower.”  I needed to read that today.  When I pried myself out of bed at 5 o’clock this morning I kept telling myself, “this will get easier.”  The truth is though, it won’t get easier unless I make waking at five a true habit which means I have to practice waking at that time every morning.  I must be “willing” to practice it too.  Currently my brain is programmed to be a night owl and if left alone I can autopilot that behavior quite well.

There are several bad habits I am hoping to break this year.  Right now it is helping me to see it as  “learnable” rather than browbeating myself into submission.   I’m not sure it will make the process easier but hopefully it will improve my attitude about it and thus make me more “willing to learn” new responses.

GAINchange is looking for women who would like to join an online weightloss team.  If you would like more information, contact me at j.blair.lane@gmail.com

Also, we will be hosting the online Bible study, "Believing God" by Beth Moore in January.  Participants will be asked to purchase the online version of the study from Lifeway at http://www.lifeway.com/bg - we will host weekly discussions at GAINchange for participants only.  The study group is open to women age 18 and over.  To be placed on the sign up list, email me your name, email address and the username you'd like to use.  I will send out login information at the end of December.

The unhealthy state of affairs in my aging family members has me thinking more and more about what is truly "good for me" and what is not. Do I want to be on a pacemaker, shooting insulin in my body and/or barely able to walk later? This is just the tip of the iceberg of what is awaiting me due to genetics. The Apostle Paul even said, "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial." Ideally, identifying what is beneficial and doing that more often than that which does not benefit would be a start. A ding dong may taste good and may be "permissible" but is it my "best choice"? I emphasize "choice" because well, isn't that really what this is about - choices?

If I eat the ding dong, my choice is taste over waist, is it not? Likewise I could argue that a choice for broccoli might mean waist over taste (as I don't find broccoli nearly as tasty as chocolate). But perhaps I'm looking at this all wrong? In the past if I chose broccoli I did so either as a martyr (oh poor me, I have to eat this vile weed and can't enjoy food at all) or as a self-professed saint (oh look at me, I'm such a healthy minded person and so disciplined). Neither mindset is healthy in the light of Truth and Balance. When it comes to "food", is it really about "being right or being wrong"? I don't think so. I think it's more about what is beneficial and what doesn't benefit.

And then, I must ask myself, what am I striving to benefit? My ego? My vanity? My cravings? My flesh? All of which are shallow things to invest in. Rather then, should I be striving to benefit the Temple of the Lord, which is my physical body. Looking to benefit the Kingdom of Heaven through glorifying the God who created me would be a better choice as well. And if I see the choice between broccoli and the ding dong as more of a choice than a curse or a right, wouldn't it free me to better make the more beneficial decision? The decision that will most benefit my purpose on this earth? Ah, but what is my purpose? I may not know the full scope of that but what I do know is that my purpose does not involve willingly destroying my body any more than it involves the worship of my physical body. My purpose that I am positive of is to reflect the glory of God...to point others back to Him...to live beyond my flesh nature through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hmm, kind of alters the perspective of those daily food decisions doesn't it?

I really miss writing for this blog....actually, I've missed writing in general!  As I mentioned before, we moved, yet again.  This time though, we are hopeful it will be permanent.  We're still surrounded by boxes and hundreds of stray items looking for a home in our new home.  Despite this, my plan is to resume a more “normal” routine beginning Monday morning (Oh Lord please help me with this!).  I do know that when I return, my online time will be limited to email, this blog and a couple of forums. 

Speaking of forums, I haven't formally introduced one of my favorite projects to date.  If you are a woman struggling with body image and weightloss, you might consider checking out GAINChange.  Feel free to use my contact form or email me at j.blair.lane@gmail.com express interest in joining us.  We do have some restrictions on who may join so be sure to check out the site.

Well, I'd better return to the land of cardboard chaos!  Looking forward to being back in the swing of things next week!

After my outburst over the scale last week and then a calorie check revealing that I was slipping into old habits again (I tend to convert to the starve/binge method...lovely huh?)....anyway I've decided that the scale will have to be off-limits for me for a bit. If you don't think I'm obsessed, what if I tell you that it's not unusual for me to weigh multiple times during the day. Now, maybe that wouldn't be so bad if it didn't let it affect my mood....but I do....and it does. I tend to go into panic mode if I gain weight and then I'll start cutting calories (without realizing it mind you). I'll cut until I just can't take it anymore and then I binge. One of the first signs that I'm eating too little during the week is when I eat something bad one day and have a sudden and severe gain the next ....which of course prompts the cycle all over again.

It is painfully obvious to me that I am unable to judge on my own how much I should eat each day. When I think I'm doing good and I plug the calories in the next day they are almost always below 1000...um, this is not good. I tell you I have no idea I'm doing it. I think, "I'm eating clean, I'm doing good". It's not just about eating clean though, it's about eating enough to adequately fuel my body. I will be posting on the technical topic of calorie consumption in the future but that isn't necessarily what this post is about. This is about my eating disorder and what I'm going to do over the next several weeks to correct some things.

First of all, I decided that I needed some extra motivation to keep me focused on moving forward....in a positive way. So, I've signed up for the Body For Life challenge. I completed this 12 week challenge with incredible results in 2000. It was so exciting to send off my packet at the end of the challenge. They sent me a cool t-shirt and a certificate of achievement (both of which I still have). The certificate is in my focus binder to this day. I often look at it and the nice, encouraging form letter I got from Porter Freeman (a fellow challenger). I plan to do as many back to back challenge entries as I need to reach my goals.

Secondly I needed to address my obvious problem with food. So, I spent almost three hours today detailing out my food plan for the next week. After I wrote it up I signed into fitday.com and figured the calorie totals for each day. I was stunned that even with entering SIX meals per day I had to up the portions on most days to even get above 1000 calories. I don't want to go below 1200 but my target 1700/day. Ideally I'd like to stay between 1500 and 1700 most days. This is going to take some serious re-training on my part as my natural instinct is to slash the calories. I know that it is highly possible for me to gain weight initially and that is the reason I won't be stepping on the scale again until probably the end of April. I started out the year really good with my food and then began to cut a little more each week. I guess I'll need to track my food for a while until it becomes habit to feed myself instead of starve myself.

Third, I will be exercising more consistently. Anne from OWOA has challenged me to do the Couch to 5K program with her beginning in April. Again, this is merely a tool to keep me working toward a set goal. I plan to continue with pilates as well. Even though I won't be stepping on the scale, I will be measuring and taking photos (um, no you can't see them yet lol). Why am I writing all of this out here? Because I am sure I am not the only person on the planet who deals with this...and those other gals need to know they aren't alone. Because I need the accountability. And Because I believe God can do great things through my weaknesses. I'm going to need to cling to Him daily to accomplish this. I'm also posting this because someone may read it and the Lord may lay it on their heart to pray for me and the other ladies who fight this demon every day.

Yesterday I was in a really foul mood.  I'm doing a little better today after having the last 24 hours to process some things.  I'm still up in weight this morning (up 1) but I'm not going to dwell on that right now.  Instead, I decided to go ahead and do my measurements.  Once I calculated them, I figured it would be good to share the results because they prove that the scale is a very inaccurate representation of what is really going on...How so?  Well, I'm so glad you asked.

The scale claims that I lost 22.4 lbs in the last 12 weeks.  Sure, this is good but I was going for 24 lbs of fat as my goal.  When I calculated my body fat (I average the results of 2 calculators) I was surprised to discover that I actually lost 26.17 lbs of body fat!  What does this mean?  It means that I gained 3.77 lbs of lean mass (which is good), something the scale can't distinguish.

Overall, my measurements changed quite a bit in the last 12 weeks:

• Chest (-7cm)
• Waist (-12cm)
• Hips (-7.5cm)
• Thigh (-6cm)
• Arm (-3cm)
• Overall Body Fat (-8.5%)

So, if you still think it's not worth the time to measure yourself every few weeks, think again.  The scale is an "ok" way to measure your progress but it probably shouldn't be your only way.  Some take pictures (I do this too) and that's good as well.  Of course, depending on angle or how close you are to the camera, this can even skew the results when comparing the two.  Measurements though, they speak the truth and when coupled with other forms of measurement (scale, photos, bf calculators...etc) you can really get the full picture of what your eating and exercise plan is doing for you (or not doing for you).

• Scrambled Eggs (2 whites, 1 whole)

• Sausage Patty

• 1/2 cup Grapes

• Herbal Tea

• Vitamin/Mineral

Mid-morning Snack

• String Cheese

• 1/2 Small Apple

Lunch

• Salmon Fillet

• Salad (lettuce, tomato, shredded cheddar, slivered almonds & honey mustard dressing)

Afternoon Snack

• Celery

• Laughing Cow Lite Swiss Original - 2 wedges

• V8

Dinner

• Chicken Parmesan

• 1 cup Green Beans

• Sugar Free Jell-O w/ whipped topping

• Vitamin/Mineral

Evening Snack

• Cheddar Cheese

• Popcorn

Nutritional Breakdown:

Notes:  I really had to work at it to get in this many calories yesterday.  I should be averaging around 1700 a day.  I shouldn't go below 1200 but some days I do without realizing it.  As for exercise I did a 2 mile walk/jog and upper body pilates.

Ok, so maybe this post won't be as profound and influential as the like-wise titled speech of Martin Luther King, Jr.  However, like Mr. King, I also have a dream.  Sure, I dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all but when Blest asked us to "Dream Big" she wasn't talking about peace, civil rights or the betterment of all mankind.  No, she was talking about something far more personal...our weight.  I know, I know - such a heavy subject. 

Joking aside, I wonder if more of us felt better about ourselves might it be for the betterment of all mankind...or at the very least, the mankind we interact with on a daily basis?

Despite how difficult this road to a healthy weight, I have a dream.  Yes, I have a dream that one day I will only see cottage cheese in my fridge and not on my thighs.  I have a dream that when I go to the store to shop for clothes I won't leave crying.  I have a dream that one day I'll wear clothing because I actually like it and not because it's the only thing that fits or because it "hides the fat".  I have a dream that when we go to Walt Disney World next year, I will be able to ride any ride, I will wear a swim suit at the pool and I will have no problem walking the average five miles a day that most people walk while there.  I have a dream that one day I'll run a marathon (or bike the MS 150) and take swing dance lessons (hoping I can talk the hubby into this one).  I have a dream of being a healthy example for my kids of what a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom can be.  I have a dream that one day my weight will no longer physically, mentally or emotionally trap me and keep me from doing the things I long to do.

Yes, I have a dream...

Last time we talked about cheating but today I'd like to discuss treating.  I believe there is a HUGE difference between a Cheat and a Treat.  A Cheat to me equals "giving in to temptation" whereas a Treat equals "enjoying in moderation".  I believe that every diet should incorporate treats and those that don't...well, they set you up for cheats (which are usually much more harmful than a planned treat).  So, without further ado...this is the way to "treat on your diet":

Believe Your Willpower is Bogus - If you believe that you can be tempted (which we ALL can be) you are well on your way to treating.  You know that you are not perfect and will never be.  You know that if you don't plan ahead, you will likely chose something less than ideal in a pinch.  You know that you can't trust your feelings.  You keep your focus on your goals and you do not rely on your willpower to accomplish them.

Fantasize about The NEW You - People who lose sight of what they are working towards are far more likely to cheat.  They want the overnight cure...when it doesn't happen they become discouraged and end up cheating.   You know it's going to take time and work to change your body so face the music but don't forget to daydream about what it will be like to realize your goals.  Review those goals daily and especially when you feel tempted to undo all your hard work with a binge.

Plan Breaks from The Good Food - You know it would be highly unlikely to go the rest of your life without having so much as a small cookie.  So, it only makes sense to go ahead and plan for it.  Whether you plan to treat yourself once a day (a friend of mine has a small piece of dark chocolate every afternoon), once a week (I have a free-day each week) or once a month...it doesn't matter what you choose, just pick a time/day when you will give yourself a treat.  A girlfriend of mine used to keep a list of all the junk she craved throughout the week.  Then, on her "treat" day (or free-day) she would eat things from that list.  Your method may be different but be sure to plan those breaks.

When You Treat, Enjoy It! - You've planned for this treat.  You've worked hard and you've exercised patience.  You aren't giving in to some craving, you are deliberately enjoying the food you've chosen to treat yourself with.  Often times when people hear that I have a free-day they tend to say things that could make me feel guilty for enjoying some of The Other Food.  Things like, "think how far you could be if you didn't do that".  Cheating should produce guilt...treating should not.  If you allow guilt to creep into your treating...it will turn to cheating so keep an eye on that.  When you build enjoyable, guilt-free, treating into your diet plan you are far more likely to stick to it long-term.  You are also more likely to reach your goals as a result.