They say insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results.  I suppose that makes me crazy then because I am guilty of this very thing.  Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I expected different results so much as I hoped I wouldn’t have to work that hard to change the behaviors giving me poor results.  Thinking “I need to change” doesn’t get me very far – at least not as far as it used to.  Long ago I would think about changing something and just do it.  Now, I’m ensconced in pitiful habits that leave me feeling icky on so many levels.  Things that started out harmlessly and morphed into auto responses that will take much work to undo.

Today I read an article in Today’s Christian Woman magazine (Jan/Feb 2009) about stopping naughty habits.  Obviously common sense tells us that you must practice the opposite of what you are wanting to eliminate.  I didn’t need anyone to tell me that.  The author says, “Breaking old habits and embracing new ones isn’t easy.  But it is learnable.”  Hmmm, learnable.  I had to agree that God gave me a brain capable of learning new things.  So this forced me to ask myself, “am I teachable?”  I looked up Webster’s definition of the word and part of it struck me with deep conviction.  In order to be “teachable” I must be “willing to learn”.

If my brain and body can learn poor habits then it stands to reason that I can learn to replace them with good habits.  I don’t have to think about driving anymore, I just drive.  I don’t have to think about washing my hair or where it comes in my shower routine, I just do it like my body is on autopilot.  The more we practice something the easier and more automatic it becomes… like typing.  Which I’ve been doing during this entire post thus far without even thinking about it.

I like how the author states that habits “aren’t just about willpower.”  I needed to read that today.  When I pried myself out of bed at 5 o’clock this morning I kept telling myself, “this will get easier.”  The truth is though, it won’t get easier unless I make waking at five a true habit which means I have to practice waking at that time every morning.  I must be “willing” to practice it too.  Currently my brain is programmed to be a night owl and if left alone I can autopilot that behavior quite well.

There are several bad habits I am hoping to break this year.  Right now it is helping me to see it as  “learnable” rather than browbeating myself into submission.   I’m not sure it will make the process easier but hopefully it will improve my attitude about it and thus make me more “willing to learn” new responses.

Well, it seems Wal-mart hasn't had enough negative publicity lately.  Now they are booting customers from their store for, get this, giving out Wal-mart gift cards to Wal-mart customers on Wal-mart property.  Yep, you read that right.

Barry Goldberg, an out-of-work mortgage executive, decided to purchase $1300 worth of Wal-mart gift cards and stand at the door handing them to people as they entered.  He was asked to leave because his act of goodwill was "interrupting the flow of foot traffic in the store’s vestibule".  You can read about this riduculous eviction here.  I find it incredible that the man spent thirteen hundred bucks at their store and then they turned around and kicked him out.  I wonder if the flow of foot traffic being relieved granted enough sales to off-set the sales they will lose over this story?  Doubtful.  This man should have been commended for his act of good-will, I know I would have been grateful to get one of his gift cards... if I still shopped at Wal-mart that is.

Of course, Target saw an opportunity to gain some of Wal-mart's ever growing dissatisfied customer base.  The article states that, "Target swapped his Walmart gift cards for Target ones and let him hand them out in front of their store."  Way to go, Target!

Since ditching the title "soccer mom" for "skater mom" I've discovered that what you wear really does matter.  Not just for the skater but for the mother freezing to death in the stands.  My girls, especially Kate, tend to get really cold on the ice.  We were piling on the thick layers only to find out that she couldn't move as well.  I refuse to buy the pant suits designed for figure skaters as they are very expensive (and she's getting a team warm up anyway).  I'm still in the stage where I want to make sure she is going to stick with this before we sink too much cash in.  Still, she needs to be warm so we made our way to REI (we're members) and found her some cute polar fleece items to create lighter, warmer layers.  We found some great warm but thin gloves also so she can move her hands.  She also wears long underwear that we picked up at Target.  Having full range of motion is important.  Her toes still get cold but she's getting some "official skating tights" for Christmas that I hope will help with that.  We got both the under and over the boot kind so she'll be wearing double layers.

As for my freezing buns, well, I finally caved and purchaced some Under Armour.  Pricey but quite effective.  I can wear it under my regular winter clothes and stay much warmer than I had been.  I'm convinced that rink maybe the reason I've been so ill.  I also take a thick blanket to sit on as the bleachers are metal (brrrr).  I wear wool socks and my snow boots too.

When my oldest daughter, Kate(9), was three years old she told me she wanted to learn how to ice skate.  Her brother took a class at the local mall when he was about four and she wanted to be out on that ice so badly.  I figured I would have to be out there with her and well, being very pregnant, that wasn't going to happen.  After the baby arrived money, time and sanity all took a hit.  The last thing I wanted to think about was ice skating.  It was expensive anyway.  We pushed the poor dear into sports we knew and understood like soccer and softball.  Neither of which put a smile on her face for very long.  Her heart just wasn't in them.  I wondered if we would ever find "her thing".

While we traveled with Erik during the two years he spent as a contractor, we suspended all organized sports but promised to resume them when we settled down again.  Any time we had the discussion of "what would you like to try" my darling daughter's first response was always, "Ice skating".  As the Lord would have it, the house we ended up buying here in Colorado is only about a mile from an ice rink that has, you guessed it, a "Learn to Skate" program.  Erik checked into it and discovered that it wasn't as pricey as we remembered so we enrolled her in the Basic one class.  I have never see this child this excited over anything - ever.  Erik phoned from her first lesson to tell me that the girl couldn't sit still while she waited for class to start.  If you know Kate, you know this is totally out of character for her.  I think that first class began in September and she's be going ever since.  She loves it.  I now take her to all classes, lessons and practices.  I feel like it is something that we are sharing even though I'm not out on the ice with her.

In the last couple of months an opportunity has come up for her to join a local skate team.  I have felt so overwhelmed at times just trying to learn about all the gear and terms and competitions.  I guess it's good that I can take on some of that for her and she can just enjoy her time on the ice.  Of course, the expenses do begin to add up quickly.  She has a private coach now and skates and her team warm up should arrive at our house on Sunday.  Then there are the entry fees, ice fees, music prep fees...etc.  People have asked me if we're moving in this direction because we've seen natural talent - well, as I don't know squat about figure skating I can't judge whether she has talent or not.  What I do know is that her face lights up when we talk about it.  She loves going to class or just skating in general. 

Right now, the only draw back (other than cost) is how cold it is in the stands at our little rink.  I am going to have to acclimate or I'll be sick all the time.  This session we've added the younger two girls also (6 & 4).  They are in the classes but not on the team as of yet.  I can't tell if they love it because they love it or they love it because their big sister loves it.  Sometimes I wish I had listened when she said she wanted to skate all those years ago.  I feel so silly now for taking this long to let her give it a try.  Maybe I was afraid she would actually like it?  Talk about taking me out of my comfort zone.  This former Florida girl doesn't have much experience with winter sports.

Last night I passed the 32K mark.  I've never made it to 30K in one of these challenges so this is a huge milestone for me.  I've had to cut out most of my online activities to get to this point as otherwise the time would not have materialized.  I still have 18K words to go but I am encouraged that if I continue to forge ahead and the Lord blesses my efforts, I will make it to that coveted goal of 50K words in 30 days. 

This has been an extremely emotional journey so far.  You absolutely know this to be true when you read the week three "pep talk" email from Chris Baty and you start crying at the end of it.  At the same time I'm actually excited about diving into the editing stage of this manuscript next month.  Until then, I've got 18K words to bring this story to a close.

I would love to write more about the last few weeks but I feel I've used up every word available to me in this challenge.  Any creative flare has been pored into it and so I am left with choppy thoughts and ill-thought out sentences for this blog post.

This is a really beautiful song with a wonderful message.  It seems appropriate after last night's election.  A sweet sister in Christ sent out a message this morning calling us to turn to God.  I got the same exact message from Him last night while I watched the events unfold.  A peace washed over me that defies any human understanding. My hope is not in the next President of this country, it is in the Christ who has already saved us.

"Beautiful Letdown"

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But I don't belong

It was a beautiful let down
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful let down
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasin our tails and the rising sun
And our dark water planet's
Still spinning in a race
Where no one wins and no one's one

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But i don't belong
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come

Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Easy living, not much like your name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Won't you please take me off your list
Easy living please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Feels like I don't belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like I'm let down
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here
Please
Won't you let me down?

On the eve of what many believe to be the most important election in our nation’s history, I am writing to every soul out there who longs for something more.  There must be a great many because “change” seems to be the only common thread between the parties.

You can believe “change is coming” because change is an inevitable part of life.  Change is all around us, especially now with leaves littering our lawns and the resetting of our clocks.  Change can be physical, fiscal, moral, emotional, psychological…  The only thing consistent about change is that it is always happening.  Even still, as much as we can appreciate positive change, we usually don’t have a love for change in general.  The words “I wish things didn’t have to change” have been muttered (or thought) by almost everyone on the planet at one time or another… A failed relationship, the death of a child, a diagnosis, stock market crash, war…

Since change is inevitable anyway, wouldn’t it be monumental for a candidate to promote consistency rather than change?  Can you even imagine a politician who was consistent in speech, action and beliefs?  Since most of our politicians claim to believe in God and the Bible, I thought that it might be fitting to point out His consistent record on two moral issues that are receiving plenty of press lately. 

God values life, even the unborn:

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” Jeremiah 1:5a (NLT)

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!   Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out  before a single day had passed.”  Psalm 139:13-16 (NLT)

“Now suppose two men are fighting, and in the process they accidentally strike a pregnant woman so she gives birth prematurely. If no further injury results, the man who struck the woman must pay the amount of compensation the woman’s husband demands and the judges approve. But if there is further injury, the punishment must match the injury: a life for a life,  an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot,  a burn for a burn, a wound for a wound, a bruise for a bruise.”  Exodus 21:22-25 (NLT)

“If anyone takes a human life, that person’s life will also be taken by human hands. For God made human beings in his own image.”  Genesis 9:6 (NLT)

I am not listing these passages to condemn those who have had an abortion or who perform them.  That is not my place.  I am posting them in the hopes of clearing up the false words spoken by some that the unborn should not have the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".  God is quite clear on how He values human life, and He values the unborn no differently than the full grown man.  To say otherwise of God is not consistent with who He is.  To say you believe Him but to accept abortion as a choice is not consistent either.

God is clear on Homosexuality:

Besides being all over the media around here, I am including this because I heard a priest on the news the other day say that God was not clear in His Word about homosexuality.

“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.”  Leviticus 18:22

If this isn’t clear enough for you, please feel free to check out these other verses: 

Lev. 20:13;  1 Cor. 6:9-10;  Rom. 1:26-28

God is pro-marriage and He clearly had a particular plan in mind:

“God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." So God formed from the dirt of the ground all the animals of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the Man to see what he would name them. Whatever the Man called each living creature, that was its name. The Man named the cattle, named the birds of the air, named the wild animals; but he didn't find a suitable companion. God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man. The Man said, "Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man." Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. Genesis 2:20-25 (The Message)

You will find plenty of websites out there justifying sin with a twisting of God’s Words.  It is the nature of mankind to justify sin.  We all do it, yes, I’m talking about myself too.  If you are shaking your head, believing you never have – consider for a moment where God stands on other issues such as: pre-marital sex, lying, stealing, cheating, overeating, self-righteousness, jealousy, greed, pride, hatefulness, unforgiveness, selfishness, anger… and the list could go on.  Most of this list isn’t even about what goes on in our thoughts or the shows we watch or the books we read.  God has weighed in on all of that as well.  You cannot know God and find Him inconsistent.  He is consistent on all of these topics.  He calls them sin, every time.

Fortunately, God isn’t just consistent about His judgment between right and wrong – He’s consistent with His love for you.  Those verses above about the unborn, those are about you too.  You are important to Him.  His Word tells us that “while we were still sinners” He sent His Son to die for our sin.  He is truly able to love the sinner and still hate the sin.  We are valuable in His eyes.  Isn’t that Someone you can believe in.  Someone who loves you no matter how badly you mess up.  Someone who loves us enough to tell us when we’re doing something we shouldn’t be.  He’s not about making us feel good in our sin because He wants something better for all of us.  If we rely on His consistency, we will see consistent change in our lives that would make the “change” offered by this world look like cheap thrills and temporary highs.

If you really just want some politician’s view of change, it’s coming no matter how you vote.  But, if you want some consistency you can believe in, rely on, and trust, you can’t find that anywhere but with God and His Word.

Beads that Lead

GAINchange is looking for women who would like to join an online weightloss team.  If you would like more information, contact me at j.blair.lane@gmail.com

Also, we will be hosting the online Bible study, "Believing God" by Beth Moore in January.  Participants will be asked to purchase the online version of the study from Lifeway at http://www.lifeway.com/bg - we will host weekly discussions at GAINchange for participants only.  The study group is open to women age 18 and over.  To be placed on the sign up list, email me your name, email address and the username you'd like to use.  I will send out login information at the end of December.

After reading over last year's start to my manuscript, and inevitably altering some words, the word count stood at 27,674.  I think that's only two words different as I tried to remind myself that I wasn't reading for editing purposes.

As Murphy's Law would have it, I began this challenge ill.  I tried to use this to my advantage though since I don't feel up to running about anyway.  Of course, cold medicine adds it's own challenges.  For one, keeping one's eyes open is kind of a requirement for writing.  I'm currently at 2,015 3,326 words for today, which did not seem to be easily achieved. 

The kids also began their own manuscripts today and are filling the pages of their spiral notebooks faster than I expected.  I plan to check their word count every few days.